2022’s Best Cities for Single Moms

What are the three best ways for single moms to find social support if they don’t have a strong family or friend network?

Building positive social networks, whether family or non-family, is important for healthy families and healthy children. Notice I said “positive social networks.” Any parent with limited social networks would be wise to remove toxic relationships from their lives and build meaningful and supportive relationships that could benefit both parent and child.

This might mean:

1. 1. Doing some introspection and developing relationship skills, often with the help of another (professional, mentor, friend);
   2. Engaging others at work, children’s school, organizations (Parents Without Partners, volunteer organizations, religious groups). Some activities can involve parent and child(ren), such as “Feed my Starving Children,” and introduce children to the importance and joys of service.
   3. Being willing to ask for help when needed. The “it takes a village” concept often is considered trite, but the concept is true. Friends, co-workers, neighbors, “church family”, and community groups can be tremendously helpful to single mothers, providing material, emotional, physical, and social support. As our interactions increase, our support systems enlarge, and “many hands make light work.”

With record inflation, what government incentives or social programs, if any, are available to single moms struggling to make ends meet?

Every community is different and provides different services. In general, the federal government can provide temporary assistance, such as Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) to help with childcare, food, and housing.

Low-income mothers might find help with housing choice vouchers, energy assistance programs (to help pay for utilities), Women-Infant-Child (WIC) programs, supplemental nutrition assistance programs (SNAP), and school lunch programs.

Grants and scholarships are available for women who want to begin or continue their education. Health needs can be assisted through Medicaid, and Head Start can help with preschool. Mothers may need to search out the local programs in their community that can assist them and their children.

When it comes to single parenting, there appear to be double standards for moms and dads. What is the easiest disparity to address now and how?

When it comes to double standards, there is no easy way to address them because they are often invisible to those who hold them. How can we change things we don’t see?

In the U.S., it is expected that single mothers take care of children and figure out a way to meet special family demands without interfering with work. Conversely, single fathers may be praised for taking care of their children and may find that bosses and coworkers are more forgiving when the father takes off work to take a child to the dentist or care for a sick child at home.

Of course, we don’t recognize that we are responding to these parents differently. Coworkers may bake that father a pie, but expect the single mother to make it.

Research has found that single mothers are not as healthy physically or mentally and tend to be poorer than married mothers.

Many women do not even consider higher-paying jobs typically held by men because of personal stereotypes about what type of work women “should” do. If they do decide to apply for such a job, the hiring authority may not hire them for the same reasons.

Another consideration –– less than half of single parents receive the child support they are entitled to and almost one-third receive nothing at all. Perhaps a government policy is needed that requires all child support to go through a governmental authority and be directed to the parent.

If payment is not made, the government provides the money to the custodial parent and then seeks reimbursement from the non-custodial parent.

What are some creative ways you’ve recently observed, if any, that employers are supporting their workers who are single moms?

A few places may offer onsite daycare or provide financial or caregiving assistance for sick children. Some places tout their lactation rooms. Still, others provide flexible work schedules, job sharing, or spurred by the pandemic, work-from-home opportunities (although many single mothers find that it’s harder to work from home with children than at an office). A few organizations offer paid family leave. Maybe not so creative, but it’s a start.

One final note. “Single moms” is not a monolithic category. Some women have chosen single parenthood right from the beginning; some have not. Some are single as a result of divorce and others as a result of death (with differing child outcomes).

Some women are teens and others are in their 40s or older. Some women are well-educated professionals and others are high school dropouts. Some single moms revel in their singleness and others are depressed. Some vote Republican and some vote Democratic. In the end, we need to ensure that all our children are well-cared for, embraced, and valued.

What are the three best ways for single moms to find social support if they don’t have a strong family or friend network?

1. Some areas, such as Las Vegas and Northern California, have branches of Single Mom Strong, which is a non-profit organization dedicated to supporting single mothers. There are also grass-roots single mom groups; most have a Facebook page, so searching for those on social media can be a good start. Look for one that has in-person meet-ups. For the most successful connection, we need those face-to-face interactions.
2. Churches are another great choice; starting with the weekly service at a church that provides care for children can offer some respite for Mom and begin friendships for children and parents. MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers) is a Christian organization offering fun programs for the littles while the Moms spend educational time together.
3. Get out and have fun with your kiddos. You will meet others who are similar to you and can become your support system. Getting a zoo pass can be fairly inexpensive and you will meet many other moms also looking for safe places for their children to run around.

This only works if you aren’t buried in your phone; be willing to smile and introduce yourself to others. As your children age, you can become friends with their friends’ parents and share in the driving, feeding, etc.

With record inflation, what government incentives or social programs, if any, are available to single moms struggling to make ends meet?

A “side hustle” is the way to go. Find something you enjoy and figure out how to earn extra money doing it. For example, if you enjoy making earrings, start selling them on Etsy. If you don’t work traditional hours in your normal job, try substituting at the local elementary schools once a week. Some will pay a couple of hundred dollars per day.

Are you good at yard work? You and your kiddos could mow lawns together on Saturday mornings. Photography, car detailing, baking, and organizing are other skills you can make money with. As a single parent myself, I have found financial relief by relocating to a less expensive area and keeping a “side hustle” in addition to my regular job.

When it comes to single parenting, there appear to be double standards for moms and dads. What is the easiest disparity to address now and how?

As a single mom, it can feel like single dads are glorified for doing what we are expected to do. Married moms often feel this way, too. Don’t say dad is “babysitting” his own children. Commiserating with other parents can feel good, but be careful not to let the negativity overtake you. Be proud of who you are and what you do each day.

As a society, the easiest major fix that would support moms and dads (and children) everywhere would be free lunch at school for every child, regardless of income or family size. Imagine how much better everyone’s day would be with a healthy, robust meal in the middle of it. At our lab school, we feed the teachers with the children to model mealtime behavior, encourage conversation, and provide the sustenance they need to keep working.

What are some creative ways you’ve recently observed, if any, that employers are supporting their workers who are single moms?

The University of Arkansas recently broke ground on a new campus child development center to support their working parents –– employees as well as students. Employers like SMUD and UC Davis Health are partnering with higher education programs and child care organizations to provide child care for their employees.

Partnerships are key to the affordability and success of these programs. Other companies, like Meta, offer emergency child care support to their employees. Companies such as Deloitte, GM, and Intel support volunteer work during work time, which means single moms can volunteer at their children’s school or support a cause they love while their children are in school.

Companies looking at diversifying their workforce can also include single moms as a group. We may not visually look alike but we definitely have some common needs as well as some excellent attributes (like persistence, compassion, and dedication) as assets to our employers.

What are the three best ways for single moms to find social support if they don’t have a strong family or friend network?

Having a strong network of support is important to promote well-being at any age. For single moms who may not have a strong family or friend network, I recommend finding unique ways to build a supportive community of social support.

1. Volunteering at your child’s school or a child’s sports program is a great way to meet new families who are also experiencing the journey of parenting. This is a great space to connect with similar people around a common mission, which is children. These connections can also facilitate friendships or overall support, such as babysitting in times of need.
2. In our current digital world, online support platforms and groups have risen in numbers and efficacy. Platforms like Peanut or Facebook have community forums specifically tailored for single moms to uplift and support each other. Many online platforms like these are free, accessible, are effective.
3. In-person support groups focused on parenting or single mothers can also offer a natural support system that can be instrumental in reducing isolation for single mothers.

With record inflation, what government incentives or social programs, if any, are available to single moms struggling to make ends meet?

With record inflation, it is imperative that single mothers are provided with awareness and access to existing government and social programs. A good starting place is dialing 211 (available in most states), which serves to connect families with existing public assistance programs and social programs.

For example, SNAP food assistance is a nutrition initiative that can help single mothers who need financial support to get proper nutrition for their families. Additionally, for public housing assistance, the HUD Public Housing Assistance Program can provide low-cost housing for single parents in need.

Finally, for single mothers who are pregnant or who have young children, Head Start Programs can be imperative in promoting family well-being and childcare services. Ultimately, it’s important to know that you are not alone and that there are various existing programs to help single mothers make ends meet.

When it comes to single parenting, there appear to be double standards for moms and dads. What is the easiest disparity to address now and how?

One double standard that often comes up for single moms compared to single dads is the high pressures and expectations that single moms can do it all. That is, mothers are given unrealistic societal pressures that mothering comes naturally and that it can be done alone. Alternatively, single dads are often celebrated for taking a primary parenting role as if it does not come naturally.

Unfortunately, these antiquated perceptions can lead to burnout, especially when single mothers get judged more harshly if expectations are not met. While being a single parent can be difficult regardless of gender, having these societal pressures without structural and social support presents a bigger challenge.

An easy way to address this is to reflect on our own perceptions of stereotypes we hold for mothers versus fathers and single mothers compared to single fathers. By addressing these stereotypes and implicit biases, people in positions of power in government and workspaces can also challenge themselves to create support mechanisms for single parents.

What are some creative ways you’ve recently observed, if any, that employers are supporting their workers who are single moms?

A big incentive for single mothers in the workplace is to offer on-site childcare or childcare subsidies. Finding reliable care for young children is already difficult enough. By providing childcare at the workplace, we not only alleviate time constraints in morning drop-offs for single mothers but relieve the challenges of finding quality and affordable programs.

For single mothers, especially with young children, it is important to also provide flexible working hours and potentially bonus sick time that covers children separately. Most workplaces do not consider how often and typical it is for young children to get sick when starting childcare.

Without workplace flexibility, sufficient sick time, or support, a single mother is left with few options when their child gets sick. Workplaces need to provide opportunities for flexibility, especially for single mothers who are the sole caregivers for their children.

With the recent pandemic, the working and family dynamic was intertwined for many in the household, which challenged the workplace landscape. Subsequently, this shift taught us that work flexibility is essential for the well-being of workers and for workplace success.

What are the three best ways for single moms to find social support if they don’t have a strong family or friend network?

There are an estimated 11 million single-parent families with children under the age of 18, with nearly 80 percent headed by single mothers (U.S. Census Bureau, 2021). Studies have suggested that perceived social support (Son & Bauer, 2010), access to quality school and childcare (Siefert et al., 2007), and education (Murphy, 2016) serve as protective factors for single-parent families.

Social support can come in many forms: family, friends, co-workers, employers, community, religious or non-religious organizations, school, etc. Single mothers are often isolated, mostly due to a lack of time to connect with others while trying to balance between work and/or school and their children. However, this can cause mental and physical stress (Stack & Meredith, 2018).

There are many online support groups for single parents such as Parents Without Partners or Parents Helping Parents. Having a social network can help single parents feel a sense of belonging (Black & Lobo, 2008). Most of the time, single parents are not able to attend social events due to a lack of childcare. This is also why access to quality school and childcare remain significant protective factors for single parents.

For example, many educational opportunities for single mothers become limited because of the lack of childcare resources (Trepal, Stinchfield, & Haivasoso, 2013). The lack of childcare and schooling also forces parents to reduce working hours and even abandon the labor market (Shafer, Scheibling, & Milkie, 2020). The ability to have a safe place for their children allows parents to seek education, employment, and networking.

Most single mothers work minimum wage jobs which provide few benefits and tend to be unstable. The longer a single mother is in poverty and remains on government financial support, the more her children’s academic performance is affected (Wagstaff & McLuckey, 2017). Education can provide single parents better opportunities for better jobs.

With record inflation, what government incentives or social programs, if any, are available to single moms struggling to make ends meet?

Balancing work and family is tough even for a two-parent household, but it’s much tougher when there is no one to share the responsibilities. Particularly during the pandemic, single mothers are found to be more vulnerable than the rest of the population (Chauhan, 2020).

They are more likely to experience a dramatic increase in family responsibilities, leaving them insufficient time for employment and more likely to face job loss and lay-offs (King et al., 2020).

However, there are several government sources to help. These include the Pell Grant to help single mothers to continue their education (submission deadline is June 30 each year); Women, Infant, and Children (WIC); Ohio Work First; SNAP emergency allotments (EA); Childcare Assistance Program (CCAP); and Childcare Access Means Parents in School Program (CCAMPIS), among others. More information on assistance can be found here.

When it comes to single parenting, there appear to be double standards for moms and dads. What is the easiest disparity to address now and how?

When it comes to single parenting, American society has a history in treating mothers and fathers differently. Childrearing is largely women’s domain in almost every culture. The assumption that mothers should be the best single primary caretaker (Hays, 1998) has many impacts.

The tender-years doctrine causes fathers to lose custody. The expectation that single mothers should be naturally capable caretakers leads society to judge mothers more harshly while fathers are given more sympathy (for example, when a child forgets to bring lunch or is late being picked up).

People rarely say, “Good for you,” to single mothers, but this is often said to single fathers who are considered “courageous” for taking the primary parent role (Collins, 2020).

What are some creative ways you’ve recently observed, if any, that employers are supporting their workers who are single moms?

The challenge of parenthood exposes one to greater stresses, especially as a single parent, which can contribute to the onset of depression and anxiety (Flouri et al., 2018; Kong et al., 2017). Realizing this, many employers create on-site childcare that takes off much stress from the parents.

Many employers, schools, and other organizations now gear their social activities toward family-friendly events (usually involving food and activities for the kids). This will be attractive for single parents as they will have a chance to create a social network and not worry about their children.

For example, I created a program in 2021 called “Promoting Resilient Single-Parent Families” for Miami’s single-parent students. The parents meet once a month while their children play together. This program creates a sense of belonging and provides emotional support for parents who are going through similar challenges. This program is not only good for student retention, but their children also receive the benefit of having mentors outside the home.